哈佛大学校报《The Crimson》每年都会邀请哈佛新生分享自己的申请文书，并从中精选10篇最佳文书进行点评发布。现在每年的留学生都在增长，竞争压力逐年激烈，对于像哈佛这样的院校，申请压力更大，因此想要提升自身优势，优秀的文书是不可缺少的。今天大家就来和留学中介-西安新航道一起来看看招生考官称赞的文书究竟长什么样吧。

文书一

  Red, orange, purple, gold...I was caught in a riot of shifting colors. I pranced up and down the hill, my palms extended to the moving collage of butterflies that surrounded me. “Would you like to learn how to catch one?” Grandfather asked, holding out a glass jar. “Yes!” I cheered, his huge calloused fingers closing my chubby five-year-old hands around it carefully.
        Grandfather put his finger to his lips, and I obliged as I watched him deftly maneuver his net. He caught one marvelous butterfly perched on a flower, and I clutched the open jar in anticipation as he slid the butterfly inside. It quivered and fell to the bottom of the jar, and I gasped. It struggled until its wings, ablaze in a glory of orange and red, quivered to a stop. I watched, wide-eyed, as it stopped moving. “Grandpa! What’s happening?”
        They were not meant to live forever: their purpose was to flame brilliantly and then fade away. Thus, his art serves as a memory of their beauty, an acknowledgement of nature's ephemeral splendor.
        My grandfather had always had a collection of butterflies, but that was the first time I saw him catch one. After witnessing the first butterfly die, I begged him to keep them alive; I even secretly let some of them go. Therefore, to compromise, he began carrying a special jar for the days I accompanied him on his outings, a jar to keep the living butterflies. But the creatures we caught always weakened and died after a few days in captivity, no matter how tenderly I fed and cared for them. Grandfather took me aside and explained that the lifespan of an adult butterfly was very short. They were not meant to live forever: their purpose was to flame brilliantly and then fade away. Thus, his art serves as a memory of their beauty, an acknowledgement of nature’s ephemeral splendor.
        But nothing could stay the same. I moved to America and as the weekly excursions to the mountainside ended, so did our lessons in nature and science. Although six thousand miles away, I would never forget how my grandpa’s wrinkles creased when he smiled or how he always smelled like mountain flowers.
        As I grew older and slowly understood how Grandfather lived his life, I began to follow in his footsteps. He protected nature’s beauty from decay with his art, and in the same way, I tried to protect my relationships, my artwork, and my memories. I surrounded myself with the journals we wrote together, but this time I recorded my own accomplishments, hoping to one day show him what I had done. I recorded everything, from the first time I spent a week away from home to the time I received a gold medal at the top of the podium at the California Tae Kwon Do Competition. I filled my new home in America with the photographs from my childhood and began to create art of my own. Instead of catching butterflies like my grandpa, I began experimenting with butterfly wing art as my way of preserving nature’s beauty. Soon my home in America became a replica of my home in China, filled from wall to wall with pictures and memories.
         Nine long years passed before I was reunited with him. The robust man who once chased me up the hillside had developed arthritis, and his thick black hair had turned white. The grandfather I saw now was not the one I knew; we had no hobby and no history in common, and he became another adult, distant and unapproachable. With this, I forgot all about the journals and photos that I had kept and wanted to share with him.
         After weeks of avoidance, I gathered my courage and sat with him once again. This time, I carried a large, leather-bound book with me. “Grandfather,” I began, and held out the first of my many journals. These were my early days in America, chronicled through pictures, art, and neatly-printed English. On the last page was a photograph of me and my grandfather, a net in his hand and a jar in mine. As I saw our faces, shining with proud smiles, I began to remember our days on the mountainside, catching butterflies and halting nature’s eventual decay.
My grandfather has weakened over the years, but he is still the wise man who raised me and taught me the value of capturing the beauty of life. Although he has grown old, I have grown up. His legs are weak, but his hands are still as gentle as ever. Therefore, this time, it will be different. This time, I will no longer recollect memories, but create new ones.

点评：

这篇文章对作者与祖父的童年经历进行了富有诗意的回忆。它描绘了一幅美丽的画面，展示了她从短暂的从美与艺术中汲取了宝贵的人生教训，同时也将作者描绘成一位敏锐的自然与人性观察者。

写一篇关于影响你的人的文章的一个具有挑战性的问题是确保你在描述那个人和仍然保持文章的焦点在你和你自己的发展之间取得适当的平衡。在这种情况下，Michelle设法抓住了她祖父世俗的本质，理解蝴蝶转瞬即逝的本性，同时也富有同情心，理解Michelle对蝴蝶的关心。

同时，这篇文章继续关注Michelle多年来的成长。从祖父那里，她继承了对自然的热爱以及对生活的感悟和反省。我们也看到了她的艺术一面，她将她的蝴蝶翅膀艺术描述为一种保护自然之美的方式。

这篇文章中一个特别令人心酸的部分是，当她九年后终于见到祖父时，她意识到祖父发生了怎样的变化。这篇文章在她祖父的衰老和早期关于他们过去捕捉的蝴蝶的短暂性的经验教训之间做出了一个美丽的类比。它让她想起了生命是多么的短暂，它有力地确立了她关于创造自己的新记忆的最终认识，这是她祖父试图传授给她的主要课程。

总的来说，尽管这篇文章关注的是Michelle的祖父以及他对她的影响，但我们仍然对Michelle有很多了解。我们知道她很有成就（跆拳道金牌）、艺术和爱心。她的深思熟虑和内省的天性在这篇文章中也大放异彩，这无疑是吸引招生委员会的品质。

图示：哈佛大学

文书二

    I sat on my parents’ bed weeping with my head resting on my knees. “Why did you have to do that to me? Why did you have to show me the house and then take it away from me?” Hopelessly, I found myself praying to God realizing it was my last resort.
        For years, my family and I found ourselves moving from country to country in hopes of a better future. Factors, such as war and lack of academic opportunities, led my parents to pack their bags and embark on a new journey for our family around the world. Our arduous journey first began in Kuçovë, Albania, then Athens, Greece, and then eventually, Boston, Massachusetts. Throughout those years, although my family always had a roof over our heads, I never had a place I could call “home.”
       That night that I prayed to God, my mind raced back to the night I was clicking the delete button on my e-mails, but suddenly stopped when I came upon a listing of the house. It was September 22, 2007 —eight years exactly to the day that my family and I had moved to the United States. Instantly, I knew that it was fate that was bringing this house to me. I remembered visiting that yellow house the next day with my parents and falling in love with it. However, I also remembered the heartbreaking phone call I received later on that week saying that the owners had chosen another family’s offer.
        A week after I had prayed to God, I had given up any hopes of my family buying the house. One day after school, I unlocked the door to our one-bedroom apartment and walked over to the telephone only to see it flashing a red light. I clicked PLAY and unexpectedly heard the voice of our real estate agent.“Eda!” she said joyfully. “The deal fell through with the other family—the house is yours! Call me back immediately to get started on the papers.” For a moment, I stood agape and kept replaying the words in my head. Was this really happening to me? Was my dream of owning a home finally coming true?
         Over the month of November, I spent my days going to school and immediately rushing home to make phone calls. Although my parents were not fluent enough in English to communicate with the bank and real estate agent, I knew that I was not going to allow this obstacle to hinder my dream of helping to purchase a home for my family. Thus, unlike a typical thirteen-year-old girl’s conversations, my phone calls did not involve the mention of makeup, shoes, or boys. Instead, my conversations were composed of terms, such as “fixed-rate mortgages,” “preapprovals,” and “down payments.” Nevertheless, I was determined to help purchase this home after thirteen years of feeling embarrassed from living in a one-bedroom apartment. No longer was I going to experience feelings of humiliation from not being able to host sleepovers with my friends or from not being able to gossip with girls in school about who had the prettiest room color.
         I had been homeless for the first thirteen years of my life. Although I will never be able to fully repay my parents for all of their sacrifices, the least I could do was to help find them a home that they could call their own—and that year, I did. To me, a home means more than the general conception of “four walls and a roof.” A home is a place filled with memories and laughter from my family. No matter where my future may lead me, I know that if at times I feel alone, I will always have a yellow home with my family inside waiting for me.

点评：

诚实的、令人心碎、强大的。这是阅读 Eda 的文章后首先想到的三个词。

我们喜欢 Eda 的文章的地方在于它令人耳目一新的脆弱性。太多的申请文书“太”完美了。Eda 不会审查真相，即使承认她的内心想法可能会给她带来负面的印象。例如，她以她在父母床上哭泣的场景开始整篇文章，并将自己的不幸归咎于他们。通过如此诚实的描述，Eda 展示了她随着时间的推移而真正地成长和成熟。
    在整篇文章中，她的个人声音也很强烈。当她谈到爱上“那栋黄色的房子”时，我们脑海中会自动浮现出这栋房子的形象。当她谈到得知“那栋黄色房子”被卖给另一个家庭时所经历的心碎时，我们也感到心痛。她故意选择“播放”她为我们收到的语音邮件并包括她随后的内心想法，这进一步促使我们与她一起重温她的旅程。
    然而，她不仅仅是告诉我们她的旅程。她强调了她的旅程是多么不寻常。她没有享受关于化妆品或鞋子的电话交谈，而是与经纪人谈论固定利率抵押贷款和首付……所有这些都是在 13 岁时。虽然她没有明确说明这一点（她不需要这样做）：很明显Eda 不得不快速成长，成为一个更强大的人。
    她对“家”这个词的理解从她头顶的物理屋顶演变为更抽象的屋顶。家就是她的“回忆和欢笑”所在的地方。最后，她接受了父母做出的牺牲。学会为自己的成长感到自豪展示了 Eda 的成长历程。
    Eda 是一个能够克服任何挑战的人，使她成为一名强大的大学申请者。

看了以上两篇文书，小编给大家总结了哈佛大学的一些录取特点供大家参考。

（1）、坚持种族平等与多样
       优秀文书来自不同种族的学生，包括亚裔、韩裔、白人等不同种族和文化背景。

（2）、鲜活的呈现成长故事 
       这些故事或是以小见大 、突出思考，或是通过个人兴趣展现独特之处，或是借助“高光时刻”展示抱负和志趣……但不外乎自我认知、兴趣爱好、以及未来期许等角度。

（3）、展现在成长中的深刻思考 
        招生官点评文书时常用的词是“成长”、“反省”以及“真情实感”。无论是写对书法的热爱，还是写文化和宗教的探索，同学们都展现了自我成长过程中的深刻反思与收获。

   申请文书的撰写也非常重要的，好的文书可以让你自己在申请院校时更加具有竞争力，西安新航道留学机构在这里建议大家提前准备，以充实的申请材料拿到offer。咨询我们了解更多留学申请问题。